Love You – Love Your Divorce
In Australia one-third of all marriages end in divorce, which means that just under 100,000 people each will face the end of a significant relationship and the separation statistics are even higher in de facto relationships.
We know that break-ups, separation and divorce happen all around us and if we personally haven’t experienced divorce, then we will inevitably know someone who has.
Regardless of divorce being a common occurrence, it seems that as a society, we continue to shun and shame those who haven’t been able to make their ‘marriages last’. We continue to hear people say that they ‘failed’ when their marriage ended or that their ex-partners were ‘selfish’ and ‘didn’t try hard enough’ or ‘do enough’ to make the relationship last the distance.
It seems better to ‘put up with’ ‘deal with’ or ‘tolerate’ an unhealthy or even abusive relationship no matter what it costs our emotional, psychological and physical selves. It doesn’t seem to matter that we are hurting or that our work and health suffers or that our children grow up confused in the pain of unhappy relationships.
It’s time to challenge the negative language of failure that surrounds divorce. It’s time to recognise and embrace another view, where divorce is seen as an opportunity to learn, grow and become better versions of ourselves. Where the experience of divorce can make us kinder, more loving, respectful and conscious of how we choose to live our lives.
Choosing to love your divorce, (whether this was something that you knew was coming or happened out of the blue), is the only way to re-affirm and love YOU.
Resisting or denying or refusing to accept that your marriage or relationship has taken another direction is simply perpetuating the suffering. You certainly can involve yourself in the stress, drama and ‘story-making’ of what went wrong and look to blame or seek revenge, but this gives you no peace or freedom.
It’s only when you love and wholeheartedly and earnestly embrace any adversity in your life, including divorce, that you get to reclaim your power and self-love. Until then, you will remain stuck in your own suffering. Nothing or no-one will change just because you’re unhappy or desperately hoping the other person will understand you – they won’t.
No matter whether you divorced or separated yesterday or a decade ago – if you haven’t already opened your arms and unconditionally chosen to accept what happened, then I invite you to choose this today. I know it’s unfair and I know that you’re a good person and you tried your best – but living in fear or bitterness or disappointment – simply won’t give you an enriching or happy life – this is the life you were born to live – honour it today!
If you want to know more about the benefits of a happy and healthy divorce, then email pamela@healthydivorce.com.au for more information.
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to replace any specific advice from a lawyer, counsellor or any other medical professional. The article is general information only.