Is Divorce better than staying in an unhappy Marriage?
Deciding whether to leave a marriage or to stay is never an easy decision. If you are miserable and want to leave the marriage, you may be riddled with angst and guilt for many months if not years before you decide to leave.
If you are the partner left behind– understandably you may be angry and resentful – hopefully in time, you will discover that being healthily divorced is better than being in a bad marriage.
No one starts off married life intending to divorce. We’ve all been conditioned to believe that there are happily ever after endings. And that no matter how bad or how unhealthy things get we must continue on with our marriages.
No doubt, you will have come across many people who live in denial and cover up the unhappiness of their marriages.
If you’ve had enough of pretending that everything’s ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ and want to experience joy and happiness again, then divorce may be better than staying in unhappy marriage. Here are some reasons why divorce is better than a bad marriage.
1. For the sake of the children
As parents, our role is to guide and be functional and healthy role models for them. When we are caught in the hassle and upset of unhappiness in our marriages, parenting effectively becomes a challenge because many of us don’t have the energy left to give fully to our children.
It may be that in your marriage you and your partner communicate in a passive aggressive style or perhaps you say very little to each other or the household is chaotic, filled with fear and anger. However it is , that you and your partner relate will and does impact children.
It is mis-informed to believe that your children are not aware of your problems, simply because you ‘don’t fight’ in front of them.
Children are highly intuitive, and they observe and later mimic patterns of behaviour that they have seen from you. In fact, we know that co-dependent and unhealthy relationships are learnt in child-hood.
We know that children much prefer 2 happy parents who are divorced instead of miserable bickering ones. If you take the path of divorce, then be responsible and create healthy and happy lives after your marriage ends.
2. For the sake of finding love
You’ll never be able to find love in an unhappy marriage.
Divorce is an opportunity for you to meet a partner whom you genuinely connect with. There’s no point staying in unloving and passionless marriages. You can certainly try to re-energise love and romance in your marriage but failing that- to find genuine and sustainable loving relationships – divorce is the only way.
3. For the sake of peace
If you’ve been living in a chaotic marriage for some time, you’ll experience very little peace. Every day is a drama of unhappiness and wondering how long you can put up with the other person. If you choose to divorce, then the first thing you’ll notice is a sense of peace and calmness in your life.
The pain of not being heard or not being loved is no longer there.
What remains is a sense of calmness and peace that then allows you to create a brand-new life for yourself. A life where you choose to live with ease and dignity.
4. For the sake of a worthwhile project
The unhappiness and distraction in your marriage may be holding you back from creating an exciting and enriching project for yourself, your children or for others. When you stop bickering or being consumed by the challenges of your marriage it is only then, that you can create a new vision with a clear mind. Your energy and vibrancy can be directed to a project that lights you up.
5. For the sake of your mental health
Anxiety and depression often arise in circumstances where our relationships are fractured or unfulfilling. If you are living in an unhappy marriage, then you may be suffering with anxiety or depression. Many people find themselves having to seek the medical advice of counsellors, psychologists or psychiatrists to help them through these challenging times. Others self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, shopping or sex.
These measures may work for a short-term, but unless we change our attitude or approach to the unhappiness in our marriages, then our mental health will continue to suffer and worse still deteriorate.
Divorce can be good for your mental health. In time when grief and resentment has passed and you have chosen acceptance- you once again will experience happiness, laughter and live with emotional healthy and freedom.
If you want to know more about the benefits of a happy and healthy divorce, then email pamela@healthydivorce.com.au for more information.
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to replace any specific advice from a lawyer, counsellor or any other medical professional. The article is general information only.