Is a Healthy Divorce possible if my ex is a narcissist?

Absolutely. In fact, understanding how a healthy divorce works and implementing the healthy divorce principles is one of the most effective ways of dealing with a narcissistic or toxic ex-partner.

Many people say things like my ex will never agree for me to keep the houseor allow the children to travel on holidayswith me or accept that I have a new partner. It seems that this ex-partner continues to dictate and control their lives months and even years after the relationship has ended.

The general perception about narcissists is that they are smart, strategic and always get what they want. Too often they are elevated to a godlike status and their image is kept alive in the mind of the other person. There is no peace living like this!

A healthy divorce will release you from the image or the narrative or the story that you created about your ex-partner. You will discover, that it is you who has kept them alive in your mind and have enabled them to continue to oppress you and disturb your peace.

It is only by becoming aware that you alone have created and identified with these negative thoughts about your ex-partner that your self- awareness will release yourself from continued pain and misery.

By practising the principles of a healthy divorce, you will implement self-care into your life and find ways to redefine and re-establish your personal boundaries so that your narcissistic ex-partner does not impact your life at all. You will also learn how to communicate with him or her, so that you diffuse any potential conflict or drama.

In time with practice and perseverance you will quieten the loud and chaotic mind chatter – so that you take control and create thoughts that empower and free your perceptions about your ex.

You will discover that when you do not react to a narcissistic ex-partner and don’t indulge their need to argue, contact or stay connected with you, you will be the one in control of the situation.

Emotionally unhealthy or toxic ex-partners are often stuck in their own traumas- as children there were neglected or failed to live up to expectations that others had of them. They are the children who bullied others or became adults who harassed, intimidated or made life hell for others.

These people conduct themselves in such undignified and abusive ways because this is the only way they feel good about themselves. It is by making others wrong, punishing or persecuting them that they alleviate (temporarily at least) feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness in themselves. By inflicting pain on others, they relieve themselves of having to face reality and take responsibility for the harm they cause.

Thankfully – this is not your problem. By living and integrating the healthy divorce principles in your life - you will free yourself from the past and create a life you deserve and love.

If you want to know more about the benefits of a happy and healthy divorce, then email pamela@healthydivorce.com.au for more information.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to replace any specific advice from a lawyer, counsellor or any other medical professional. The article is general information only.